#deflect criticism wtf is happening

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[placeinthisworld]

heyy, I don’t know if you’ve felt this way but the swiftlyneutral has become so filled with people that want to coddle Taylor so much. Awhile back I was having this back and forth exchange with somebody where they had said that regarding Palestine what can Taylor swift even do and that she shouldn’t have to do anything. I mentioned that hey her billions of dollars can certainly help alot of Palestinians begging for donations.

then the goal post moved to that sure she can make a difference but it won’t really change anything on a grand scale and we don’t control her actions and why am I even using internet connection rather than donating that money and it’s like my god dude my money going towards internet connection is not the same as Taylor swift’s billions like what and we might not control her actions but let’s not pretend that public pressure does nothing. Also I find it weird how everybody keeps saying that these celebrities speaking out does nothing and it’s like are you not seeing the families whose gofundme goals are being fulfilled in a matter of hours compared to the months before like I get that because this is a massive crisis on every level that sometimes it feels hopeless but on an individual level the families who are closer to safety through these donations are obviously going to prefer this than us doing nothing because it makes a world of a difference to them.

then it has devolved into insults about how they knew more than me cuz they were older apparently ( when they don’t even know my age but okay ) and it’s like I genuinely don’t know why people think it makes them smarter to think nothing will actually change so let’s not do anything and literally I have not seen a single person who is advocating for the focus to be solely on celebrities but it is certainly a part of it. I don’t know how there are still people especially on that sub that actually believe that Taylor swift’s billion dollars or that her voice won’t make a difference like how are we still stuck at that part of the convo.

I won’t lie it especially pissed me off when they kept insinuating I don’t actually understand or care about what’s happening to the Palestinians when my own people and country has gone through a genocide and I’m not claiming my advocacy is perfect but I do understand it and I have actually known about Palestine since I was very young.

I’m sorry this was so long I just needed to rant. I kind of hate that that sub has gained so much attention since the album release cuz now it’s becoming filled with people who are deflecting even the most basic Taylor criticism but hide it behind this guise of aloofness. Sorry for any mistakes cuz English isn’t my first language.

GROSSS wtf i’m sorry you had that interaction that is so shitty i’m sorry bestie :(

ugh yeah the funniest think about the argument of “taylor doesn’t owe us anything” (in terms of speaking out against racism, palestine, etc) is that she has SHOWN us that she cares!! there was a long ass period where she was sending her fans money to help pay for shit like school and rent!! she knows she can make an impact! SHE KNOWS SHE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. but she’s still sooooo quiet?? it’s unacceptable tbh, especially with her billionaire status it’s just so icky to me that she hasn’t ONCE acknowledged that genocide in Palestine. like not a simple like about a post about it, not a retweet, not a donation not a donation link. NOTHING even though she knows she’s the most influential person in the world rn.

i’ve honestly never seen anything like that on the subreddit myself. but i also only really go on there and glance through the forums and i don’t really engage much on the platform so maybe that’s why i haven’t seen it much :(

[sbrown82]

It's j a thought I had that I don't verbalize bc I'm not black: it doesn't seem like Eric Adams cares about black ppl. Or more like, he cares for only one type of people and acts like it, and ends up taking action that happens to be racist in a anti-black way specifically. Idk idk

You know what’s funny? I don’t know many New Yorkers (black, white, or other) who actually like Eric Adams. I certainly don’t, and I damn sure didn’t vote for him. Being the mayor of NY (the greatest city in the world) is probably the second hardest and most important job next to being POTUS. But, his approval ratings are the lowest I've ever seen!

He doesn’t have a clear vision or strong ideas for the city. All his policies does seem to be based on satisfying special and conservative interests (I mean, he was a fucking cop!)

He was accused of sexual assault and is under federal investigation due to his campaign spending and corruption.

He’s keen on gutting public programs, and making major cuts to schools, libraries, parks (all of which are historically the strength of our city) all to close budget gaps.

He seems to always side with landlords and real estate billionaires on every important issue.

There's a rise in stop-and-frisk policing, especially with cops and National Guards everywhere in the subway.

He claims to be guided by a voice of a 'God;' he even once claimed, “I know you don’t like to admit it, but I know you get on your knees and pray every night, ‘Thank God Eric is the mayor of our city.” 😒

He makes outrageous “racism” claims when pressed by citizens or the press with real legitimate and eloquent criticism. He even compared an old white lady to a slave owner when all she did was ask why the rent in NYC is so damn high, and he deflected with that nonsense:

When asked to describe NY in one word this fool said, "New York. This is where everyday you wake up, you could experience everything from a plane crashing into the World Trade Center, to a person who is celebrating a new business that's opened". WTF does that even mean?!?!?!?

Don't even get me started on the immigration issue and the fact that you can't find affordable housing anywhere either.

Yeah, we don't like him. He’s way too into building his personal brand (it's giving narcissist at this point). He's a bozo...and he's not every good at this job! 🤡

[bloomvalyria]

so I know you are also very critical of the whole Pyros arc, cause literally WTF was THAT.

Not that Nickelodeon/Rai would have ever had the guts to write something along the lines, but... I would love for Bloom to "outsmart" ig (?) the whole transformation through sacrifice for your own kind –although there is the question as to WTF Tecna got her Enchantix, considering that she didn't save any kind of her planet... she save an/2 entire planet(s), but... eh whatever, let's say someone of her homeplanet was stuck on Andros– by "saving" Valtor...

Not that I could fathom a scenario where Valtor –ancient, all powerful and knowing spark of pure dragon fire power– would need saving from Bloom –who despite all her God given power is a utter newbie, introduced to magic 2-3 years ago (literally a toddler by definition) stuck in her first/secondish transformation–but still! the concept of Bloom being so determined and revenge driven to go to such grey areas and lengths to gain her superior transportation only for her to i) become mkre powerful ii) use it find her parents and iii) specifically use it against the person, she "saved" to obtain it... the conflict and drama!

And not to mention the external conflicts it would have provided! She would have definitely clashed with the girls, especially Aisha/Layla for her decision. Faragonda and the rest of the authorities of Magix would have definitely been startled and suspicious, some definitely would mark/brand Bloom as traitor, thinking she deflected to her last kind...[Sky's parents being the first amongst them, which would have lead to Bloom and Sky to actually face their issues and picking up on their abandoned problem in the first place instead of... whatever this whole let's sprinkle some ✨powder✨ on bewitched Sky and everything is fine again! was. ]

Gosh all the possibilities... THIS is why I love their (possible/potential) dynamic so much! I don't even need some forbidden romance, not even some forced collaboration to destroy the Ancestors –although I definitely need the sexual tension! 🔥🤭– if they would have leaned more into this territory I would already be overjoyed!

Sorry that I use you to ramble about my s3 fantasies, but ugh! it has barely scraped the surface of it all 🤧

Oh no, I'm not critical of the Pyros arc.

I absolutely detest it with every fiber of my soul.

It's the most nonsensical of the arcs. Right next to the Tecna Enchantix debacle.

I love the idea of Bloom saving Baltor to earn her full Enchantix. This is why I highly respect and admire Rist's way of handling Bloom's Enchantix situation in Sparked. (If you haven't read it, I highly recommend you stop reading this post and go to AO3 straight away. I reread that fic at least 75 times per week.) It makes the most sense, and is executed perfectly.

Seeing everyone's reactions would be interesting, because it would need to be addressed that not everyone would be very accepting of it. Investigations would be held, suspicions would be raised. But it would all depend on how Bloom and Baltor's relationship stands afterward. That'd be the deciding factor.

It'd be hysterical if right after she earned her Enchantix by saving Baltor, Bloom just started attacking the shit out of him because she's confused why she did it. And even more confused as to why it worked. I'd like to see it.

When it comes to Tecna ... you really have to take a stab in the dark to make that one logical. The only way it works is if you view it in a sense that "well, she's technically saving someone from her home realm because no one knows the true ramifications of what would've happened if Andros and Omega destroyed each other and how it would've affected the other realms" or "someone from Zenith could've been on Andros at the time." And those are stretching it. Yet everyone insists on giving Bloom shit because of how she earned hers.

Now, Sky. I wish someone in the writers' room would care enough about that boy's character to make him endure consequences. I think people's outlook on him would change drastically if the writers would actually have him suffer consequences to his actions. Like, I get he was under a spell, but it still affected Bloom. He still hurt her. That's not going to go away so easily, and it shouldn't.

[autisticandroids]

hey just curious, how do you cope with liking fics (or fic ideas) that are darker and messier than most people usually go for, even when its angst/horror with no happy ending? i like thinking about the awful implications and what ifs of spn's terrible fucked up universe, but also, often the thought of fictional characters being sad Haunts me lol. does that ever happen to you? if so, wtf do you do with that feeling? if not, how DO you feel? (also thank you/fuck you for i fold in half so easily<3)

i do get that sometimes but only in certain contexts and i will occasionally seek it out.

also the secret thing about i fold in half so easily is that, well, it ends with cas unable to extricate himself from the situation, which makes sense. it ends with this incredible trapped feeling. because cas is genuinely unable to like. extricate himself on purpose. like cas is trapped because he himself is unable to take agency over the situation.

but the thing about i fold in half so easily is that in the final confrontation, cas screamed at sam that his loyalties weren't divided and then ran off crying. even within the bounds of cas doing insane things that sam doesn't understand, that one is pretty rough. i can't imagine that sam doesn't eventually confront dean about how messed up cas is by both like... how their relationship is, and by jack. like sam is an outside force in their relationship and cas? is pretty good at deflecting him. but dean probably wouldn't be because sam would go to him with a confrontation, not friendly advice. this is especially true because sam is moving out of the bunker some nebulous "soon" and is feeling more free to criticize and fight with dean.

so it's very likely that cas' situation will soon improve or at least change due to sam's intervention, because dean will probably at least sort of listen to sam's protests. dean, as poorly as he treats cas in the fic, genuinely doesn't want cas to be unhappy, and if he knew cas wanted better from him he would try his best to give it.

like i fold in half so easily is about how cas can't save himself, which is why it ends where it does: with cas failing to save himself. but that doesn't mean he can't be saved.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Silent reader here. I like watching their personas but some shit feels so unethical & the fandom so blind so I'm glad you're one of few armies who will criticizes BTS&Army. I was however surprised about your take on the Cordon situation. To me RM enabled the death threats JC & his family incl his kids got. According to their reaction BTS consider these things funny & just apparently. Part 1/2

Part 2/2 JCs sexist remarks were clearly meant to be jokes. Humiliating? Yes. Scary? No. You know what's scary? Death threats! There's nothing funny about death threats. Celebrities have been murdered by fans & it's never a joke. But you still seem to think JC should apologize because death threats happen all the time and are therefore not as bad as sexist remarks... Wtf???

First of all, thank you for reading my posts and appreciating them.

Second of all, I think what your're implying is wrong. Corden was clearly deflecting and playing the victim. He, in no point of the interviewed, apologized, but instead made up excuses about how he was the biggest Army in the world and had no ill intentions (even if I believed that, he should've apologized first and foremost). He then tried to put a spin on what happened by implying that he was unfairly targeted. I absolutely agree with what he said regarding death threats. However, fans's reactions to his words were, in the most part, appropriate. Death threats are a problem, but they are not exclusive to Army. Random people online get death threats all the time. If instead of deflecting the way he did he had apologized and then said the way he was treated was wrong, that would've been a whole other thing.

If Namjoon had agreed with Corden regarding Army without calling him out on his dubious intentions, he would've been condoning James's behavior. By not saying anything he neither excused James nor Army. I also think BTS almost never call out Army, and Namjoon wouldn't have done so there, which is a problem in itself. RM should've said something, both regarding Army and James's behavior, but he remained neutral, which is why the interview made BTS look bad too. Regardless, making a big deal of Corden's words would also have had the side effect of brushing off what he had done and sending the message that two wrongs make a right. What Army did is unrelated to what he did. Had he fully owned up to his own actions, his words wouldn't have sounded like shitty excuses. He made gross generalizations about Army by calling us 15 year olds as an insult, and then proved he didn't mean any of his non-apology by again making a huge generalization and implying the entire fandom had sent him death threats. If you listen to his words without context, it indeed sounds like he's right, which he is in part, but if you look at it from a broader perspective it also sounds like he's using the very serious topic of death threats to gain sympathy points... which is wrong.

I absolutely understand that this kind of behavior should not be condoned or taken lightly, but I also disagree with the assumption that sexist remarks are better than death threats. Sexist remarks like the ones he made are a recurring problem, reflecting deeply rooted stereotypes which us, women, and also teenagers, have to put up with. Our interests and opinions are systematically dismissed or belittled, especially if they are shared between mostly women, and our dreams are seen as shallow or insignificant. Corden's words also had the implication that women don't dream big. All we want, unlike men, is to get married to a celeb or something. He made it seem like the idea of 15 year old girls dreaming of becoming Secretary General of the UN was ridiculous, like many girls don't dream of being in positions of power like that, or, similarly, like men don't dream of dating celebs and such things.

Also, I'm sorry, but celebs don't get murdered by fans all the time? I've never heard of it. And, in any case, women too get murdered all the time for being women. Corden is a white British dude, so sexist remarks are as bad as death threats in this case. These death threats were not made against a poc, for example, and were made by a small portion of the fandom. I'm not trying to excuse Army's behavior at all, but I don't agree that James gets a pass because of it. Why shouldn't James apologize? If he did something wrong, he should apologize. Army can't apologize because we're a collective of people, but those at fault should apologize too. Two wrongs do not, ever, make a right.

Lastly, BTS did not at any point laugh at James's words. Apart from RM no one even showed they were following the conversation. They looked completely out of it a lot of the time, and if they were smiling it was in incomprehension or disinterest or expectation. RM didn't laugh it off either. In fact, he looked quite serious if you watch the clip again.

[valdrift]

hi its 3am and i wrote down dnd au shit that im putting under cut bc its. long

pre-canon is mostly the same with minor differences bc d&d magic at play

 jyl and jzx die but they're ok bc true resurrection baby. maybe it takes them a while to be resurrected bc, at the time, resurrection is a fairly new spell/VERY expensive (requires diamonds worth 25k gp in game)/no one was high enough level to cast the spell and also the spell is taxing on the caster/resurrection is taboo (not sure abt that one). anyways they live and raise jl :) jc is still angry but for different reasons and he's also Not As Angry and misses his brother. wwx doesn't know that jyl/jzx lived

wwx doesn't die. during the bloodbath of nightless city, he manages to destroy one half of the stygian tiger seal but before he can destroy the other, the siege on the burial mounds happens. he planeshifts to the 9 hells to escape taking the remaining half with him. such spells were completely unknown at the time and were of wwx's invention so ppl just assumed he died/killed himself. he stays in hell for 13 years (part cultivating his powers/part thinking he deserves it) before finally returning to the material plane thx to mxy

during those 13 years, ppl definitely try to reach him. BUT considering he's on another plane of existence, they often fail. communication spells like sending usually fail but Some do reach him, though he thinks he's just going crazy or it's just wishful thinking. (jyl successfully sends him a message like "a-xian? are you there? …well, wherever you are, i hope you're ok. i miss you. i love you. we all do. please come back." and wwx thinks it isn't real. he DEFINITELY cries when he finds out it actually was real and he wasn't losing his mind in hell)

REGARDING WWX'S POWERS: no one has done it like him!! forming a pact with a fiend was practically unheard of/extremely taboo and the fact that he managed to outgrow his patron in terms of power (lvl 20 baby) is something in of itself. wwx is like The First Warlock Ever and after his "death" many others tried to follow in his footsteps, however no one came even close in terms of power. xy maybe but fuck that guy lol

MXY LIVES!!! bc of reasons he manages to get his hands on a deck of many things from the jin vault (perhaps nhs had a hand in it :eyes:) and draws a wish card on the first try (Very Lucky). he uses that card to essentially wish a pact with the yiling patriarch into existence and over in hell wwx is like "hey wtf is going on" and pops into mxy's shed to see what's up

wq also lives!! jgs covered up her death and wn and her bust out of jinlintai when wwx calls

CURRENT-CANON:

mxy and wwx have a patron/ward relationship. wwx Knows he's not like his own patron and has no desire for mxy's soul or w/e so he's just "yea fine i guess i'll be your evil teacher :/"

wtf is wwx's patron anyway lol…..maybe it's a demon/fiendish entity that resided in the burial mounds that wwx formed a pact with to survive. it probably hangs out on another plane of existence and was partly responsible for his deteriorating mental state.

at mo manor, the mo family dies without mxy or wwx rlly having to do anything. mxy uses his fledgling warlock skills to help out the lan juniors with the arm. lwj shows up after and wwx's like AH FUCK and dips with mxy following after him

wwx uses mask of many faces to disguise himself in his humansona (bc like. he's a tiefling and also very recognizable, being the yiling patriarch and all no biggie) and has bonding moments with mxy. mxy realizes that wwx is not actually evil incarnate; he's actually a fucking dumbass ESPECIALLY when the man starts talking about lwj. (idk how this plays in but I want wwx to complain abt lwj like "i used to be taller than him, now we're the same height?? bullshit >:(" bc i am spreading my short lwj propaganda)

mxy and wwx run into jl at some point. wwx is like :'( when he finds out who it is, jl is a baby homophobe and mxy is like I Will Tell Your Mother to which wwx goes WHAT. BACK UP bc surprise, jyl's actually alive! while he's reeling with this information, mxy drags him away

at dafan mountain, mxy and wwx help out the juniors with the goddess statue. wwx summons wn and jc is like HEY WAIT A SECOND. he goes to hit wwx with zidian (still has the ability to knock possessive spirits but it also has dispel magic, not good for wwx's disguise!) however mxy deflects it with *fjord critical role voice* Eldritch Blast earning lwj's respect. anyways lwj takes both mxy and wwx back to the cloud recesses; mxy doesn't see what's the big deal, wwx is freaking out and Desperately wants to planeshift out of there but he has a ward now and disappearing like that would mean the jigs up considering no one else can planeshift

at the cloud recesses, mxy ditches wwx with lwj so the two can have a Talk to go chill. lwj is like "wei ying drop the humansona i know it's you" and wwx goes :O well. after, mxy comes back and is like "ok so here's the deal with the arm" and spills what he knows abt jgy and what he did and the 3 of them head off to get evidence

I Do Not Remember much of their whole like journey to piece nmj's body back together but it'd probably go much faster with mxy alive and knowledgeable to jgy's shit

wangxian are still gay and stupid

idk abt yi city but songxiao and a-qing get a better ending and xy eats shit

there will def be a yunmeng sib reunion.

POST-CANON:

pulling a page from cql, lwj is chief cultivator but only so he can like. actually do some good then once he's done dismantles the position or smth so he can live out his house husband dreams with wwx

wwx still goes on that journey so he can relearn what it's like to be a person in society and not someone hated and demonized. also he lived in literal hell for 13 years, dude needs time to process that. but u KNOW when he comes back, he's eloping with lwj

with all the pieces of nmj's body back together, nhs true resurrects him :)

NOTES:

wen clan are a mix of tiefling and human, with direct members being tiefling

lsz and ljy are human, jl is half-elf (half-triton), and ozz is a tabaxi (catboy rights!!)

wwx definitely used mask of many faces to entertain a-yuan in the burial mounds by disguising himself as whoever a-yuan asked. (disguises himself as lwj at their dinner date bc a-yuan said so and lwj is like Fuck…….He Would Make Such A Good Father…………)

[yocalio]

Via the zoom meeting with Kit - I'm not even really angry with him for continuing to say he stands by Kit murdering Daenerys. It stupid, it's sexist, it's misogynistic, and it's in incredibly poor taste to say that to a woman's face. I really don't understand how Kit can acknowledge that the ending is going to divide people, people are going to cry "misogyny" (BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY SAID THOSE WORDS, right before he told people who were being critical to fuck off) (1/?)

but then over a year later he's asking a fan why people hated the ending so much??? The cognitive dissonance is strong in this one. But whatever. Even that doesn't get me raging anymore. What does make me angry is never knowing what Kit thinks about Jon's actions LEADING UP to the burning of King's Landing. Does he think Jon was right to tell Sansa and Arya? Does he think Jon resents Sansa? Does he think Jon blames himself or takes ANY responsibility at all for where Daenerys ended up? (2/?)

Kit told the fans that we were culpable for cheering Daenerys on. So I would turn around and say, "then aren't YOU (Jon) and Sansa and Tyrion and Varys and everyone else who treated her like shit and abandoned her and betrayed her culpable as well?" Because we keep getting these fucking mixed signals where people LIKE KIT say "the seeds were there all along" but then D&D says in their BTS commentary that if everything hadn't happened EXACTLY as it did, (3/?)

then Daenerys wouldn't have been there, up on Drogon, in the sky, wanting to burn everything down, and snapping. So we have it from the INCOMPETENT writer's THEMSELVES that if it hadn't been for everybody else being shit people that Dany wouldn't have snapped, and killing her never would have been "necessary" (UGH GAG ME). So like WHAT IS THE TRUTH REALLY? That's what I want to know. I want to know what Kit thought of Jon's actions previously, (4/?)

and if he thought if Jon had changed course everything would have still happened the way it did. I want to know if he thinks Jon was a good ally, or a good partner even, and if he thinks Jon did everything he could to support Daenerys. Because I think THE FUCK not. Sorry, needed to rant today. (5/5)

I’m just gonna let you use me as a soundboard here because I’ve pretty much beaten this dead horse for over a year now on Kit’s comments. I am however glad to see people are becoming more aware this though after all this time. I’m glad he directly said it and that it’s not coming from some magazine that people will claim is HBO contractual spin. I really felt like I was off on my own there for awhile going “WTF?! HELLO!?” Anyway, just assume that anyone whose character didn’t have a shitty ending is going to do and say whatever they can to trash Daenerys. That’s all anyone involved with this show talks about anyway. It ALL revolves around Dany. I guess they’re bitter? Deflecting? I don’t know. It’s one of two things actually, it’s trash Dany or trash the fans. Anyway, I don’t care much about what they say anymore but I definitely felt that rant, anon.

[beansthembo]

I need to do a bit of a vent about the new Star Wars movie. Spoilers below.

I’m having some trouble processing what happened. If you’re reading this, you probably are interested in my opinion on it, and you probably also know that I was a big fan of The Last Jedi. By no means was it a perfect movie, but it took the chance of distancing itself from the rest of the series by springing off of what was established in TFA and building something new. A lot of people weren’t too pleased by this, and there are plenty of legitimate criticisms, but being completely transparent, I can’t listen to most critics of it because most of the people I know in real life who didn’t like it are racist or misogynistic.

TLJ tried to introduce people to the idea that, in reference to the new canon, just because it’s new and different, doesn’t mean that it’s bad. Kylo’s/Ben’s line, “Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to,” finds meaning in this, though a bit extreme. TLJ was going to learn from the past films and move on, for better or worse. TROS is determined to wallow in its past. As a lifetime fan of Star Wars, I can’t bring myself to hate it outright, like many vocal critics of TLJ, but I find myself severely disappointed by the decisions made in it.

I’ve honestly spent too much time composing those last paragraphs, as if I’m a legit critic or reviewer. I’m just kind of going to present my nitpicks and criticisms as they come to me.

So, first a few nitpicks:

-The opening crawl seems... poorly composed to me. The first line is “The dead speak!” Correct me if I’m wrong, but they don’t usually use exclamations in the opening crawls. I know I just spent the last couple of paragraphs defending new ideas, but the opening crawl always seemed as though they were meant to present information formally from a neutral perspective. Not a major criticism, but it did bother me a bit.

-What happened to Kyle’s TIE Silencer? I mean, it could’ve been destroyed in the previous movie, but I don’t really remember that happening. Either way, it seemed to me that they made the decision to make his ship more similar to the Interceptor, as, like, a ‘safer’ choice, but I don’t see why they couldn’t have just had the same ship.

-The Falcon has a round dish again? You know, now that I’m thinking of it, the dish may have been blasted off in TLJ. I just was surprised by that.

I may add to that list later. the actual problems I had were:

-Rey is sort of obsessed with ‘earning’ Luke’s (and Anakin’s) old lightsaber. Which has been repaired, by the way. She doesn’t actually ‘own’ it, even though she’s been using it for the past two movies, she’s just been borrowing it from Leia. I was really looking forward to seeing her make her own (or already have her own) lightsaber, which she does, but she waits until the end of the movie to show it off. And it’s rad as hell! Wtf? why couldn’t she have been using that the whole time! It’s one of my favorite lightsaber designs now and they show it for a whole two seconds!

-They finally give Snoke a backstory, and it’s... that he was Palpatine’s puppet the whole time. I’m gonna say, not the worst backstory they could have done, but they really tried to make him just not matter at all. I mean, yeah, the way he was done off with in TLJ was pretty unceremonious, but I always felt that meant that the real big bad was meant to be Kyle all along. Instead, the Skywalker saga becomes the Palpatine saga. I’m not opposed to the concept of Palpatine surviving and attempting to resurrect the Sith, but that’s something I’d expect from a novel, not the main story of the final movie in the franchise. And, honestly, regardless of whether or not Snoke was secretly Plagueis, I always thought he was supposed to be some other ye olde sith master, not just some sort of failed clone(?)

-Kyle rebuilds his fuUcking helmet. Why? What purpose does it serve? He doesn’t even wear it most of the time. The longest period he wears it is when the First Order officers comment on it. He’s just being dramatic. Which, I suppose, would be in character, but after the scene in which he shatters it in TLJ, it seems pointless.

-Another nitpick, but when they expand upon Rey and Kyle’s ability to connect through the force, it seems a little... disjointed. I do like that they took the time to expand upon that, even though I thought Rey closing the Falcon’s ramp on him at the end of TLJ was symbolic of her cutting him off, the way they presented it seemed, well, off. Like, it makes sense if you take it at face value, but if you start to think about it at all, it sort of... weird. I dunno how to describe it. Like, they interact with each other’s environments, but can’t see what they can interact with until they interact with it, and they can trade items, and... yeah.

-The big one... Rey’s a Palpatine. Her father was Sheev’s son. (When did that happen, huh? Who’d want to get with that wrinkly mess?) Why the everloving fuck couldn’t Rey just have been Rey? Why did she have to be related to someone existing in the franchise already? JJ’s going around saying that this was his plan the whole time, which is bull fucking shit, because otherwise they would have communicated this to Ryan, and I’m pretty sure TROS was originally going to have another director in the first place, and ALSO I’m pretty sure JJ did say at some point that Rey’s parents only mattered to her. While I’m on the topic of fan theories and origins, nobody in the movies was ever concerned about who Snoke really was. They knew who he was-the Bad Guy. Nobody ever cared who the Emperor really was in 1983, so why was Snoke’s death and non-explained origins such a big deal? I have more conflicted thoughts than I can even put down, so i’m gonna move on.

-Oh, before I forget, they just completely write off Rose. She’s present, but they minimize her screen time. I get that a lot of people didn’t like her, and there are some valid criticisms of her that aren’t completely rooted in racism and misogyny, but I never found any problem with her. I actually felt she was pretty relatable. She meets a hero, trips over her own words, and then learns why you should never meet your heroes. Disillusioned, she’s about to turn him in but they come up with another plan, and together they visit a world full of people she joined the Resistance to get away from. I’ve got that same feeling about those sorts of things-while I do enjoy a decent amount of privilege, I still, you know, fight against the system that gave it to me. And I can’t stand to see people abuse others just because they don’t have that privilege, so hearing her speech about wanting to punch a hole through that city did mean a lot at some level. Then, at the end, when she’s like, “this is how we win. Not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love,” I can even relate to that. It’s when, like, you explain to a kid how you hate something, and they jump on the bandwagon, and get real angsty, and then you’re like, “no no no that’s not what I wanted you to learn!” It’s hard to describe it with my rapidly deteriorating attention, but I never thought she was a bad character.

-DJ wasn’t in it! I mean, he wasn’t the most important character, but I still wanted to see him again.

-They have this fake out where they pretend Chewie was dead for a whole 20 seconds. I totally called it, too-the ship he was supposedly in blew up (or rather, Rey blew it up with force lightning accidentally), but since he didn’t die on screen in front of us, I knew it had to be a fake out. And it seems like the only reason for that was so they can find out that Hugs was the traitor, who is only betraying the First Order to see Kyle lose, which I mean fair, but then he’s unceremoniously killed off by the new big officer guy who we’ve never seen before but was supposedly one of the Emperor’s top men. I don’t think his name was even mentioned in the movie-or if it was, it had zero staying power. Also, they have this part where Threepio had his memory erased for a while before being backed up by Artoo. The lead up to it was very dramatic- Threepio’s generally been a comic relief character up to this point, and now he’s got to give his life for the cause (He had a translation of some Sith runes in his memory, but his programming prevented him from saying the translation aloud, and his memory needed to be wiped in order to access it), but as soon as his memory is wiped they do not give two shits that one of their best friends basically died right in front of them. Then Artoo brings him back and still no one cares.

-Poe and Finn do have a nice dynamic in the movie, but then we find one of Poe’s exes and he starts flirting with her and its like no Poe your husband’s right tHERE POE DON’T DO IT (and don’t dismiss this as shipper nonsense because John Boyega and Oscar Isaac both wanted FinnPoe to be a thing and acted through the movies like it was already don’t you say this is the first you’re hearing of this)

-The way that Rey defeats Palpatine is by crossing lightsabers in front of him to deflect his lightning?

-Reylo is canon NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Insert the gif of Vader yelling no at the end of ROTS)

-Also why does it always have to be a planet destroying superweapon? I know legends did that a lot but there doesn’t always have to be one for there to be stakes.

I think there was other stuff, but my brain is too scattered at this point to make any more cohesive thoughts. I mean, there was a lot of stuff I did like about it- Lando’s back! And i think Wedge is too, but he was on screen for about a second and a half, so I couldn’t tell. It was confirmed that Leia had force training, and even had a lightsaber! And I do like that they’re taking some inspiration from Legends, but I’m pretty sure Dark Empire was not one of the most popular series’ from it. I also did like Ben seeing a vision of Han; It’s not entirely clear if it was a force ghost thing (I am of the belief that Han was at leas a little force sensitive) or if it was just Ben sort of coming to terms with his actions, but the scene was pretty well done in my opinion. Also, Rey taking the name Skywalker at the end. That was nice, like she chose her family.

Now I just remembered a couple of things-Finn was basically confirmed to be force sensitive, but the way they did it felt very ham-fisted. Like, they weren’t like “he felt a disturbance wink wink nudge nudge,” they were like “HERE IS SOME SUBTEXT THAT ISN’T ACTUALLY SUBTEXT SEE HERE” like they never outright say it but it would have been less insulting if they did. Also, they introduced a force healing thing, which has been a more of a thing in the games, but we’ve never seen it on screen before. But like, Rey dies at the end and Ben brings her back and then [REDACTED] and then he dies, even though, like, a lot of things. I don’t know I’ve been typing for way too long I need off.

Anyway, it felt good to vent, thanks for reading if you did. I give TROS 6.5/10.

[rainhadaenerys]

Great way to debate. Calling people dumb because I don't blindly excuse violence as a learning experience. Because I recognize a possibly benevolent dictator in the making. I'm not even a Dany hater, I think she's the most interesting character in the books. Doesn't mean I think she's Jesus Christ come again. Anyone who calls Daenerys blatantly evil clearly doesn't understand her story. Anyone who excuses everyone of her highly questionable actions as learning experiences has blinders on.

Also great way to deflect valid criticism of a female character by calling me sexist. Lol. I’m criticizing Daenerys because you are a Dany blog. Never did I disparage her for being female. Secondly, I think Jon’s biggest crime is being boring. Stannis is delusional, compromises his morals and would likely make a terrible king. Robb was as blind as his father to politics. Tywin is a war criminal. Tyrion needs to get his head out of his ass and will likely be evil by the end. Theon sucks.Is that enough criticism of the male characters or are you still going to throw around your baseless claim of me being sexist? I haven’t even told you my gender lol.

I never excused her actions. I don’t root for her to keep torturing people. But this is a medieval fantasy, maybe you should remember that, and judge the characters by the morality of their time. If you think Daenerys is a dictator for being violent, then you should also think this of everyone (by the way, Dany is exactly a benovolent dictator. That’s the best you can get in this world).

I called you dumb because you are. Why are you complaining about medieval characters behaving in a medieval way? Especially when you consider that Daenerys is the only ruler in ASOIAF to take a stance AGAINST torture. The only one. You should be rooting for her. Besides, if all of those characters are evil/boring/bad kings, what are you doing reading ASOIAF? And also, if you don’t excuse violence as a learning experience, which character do you even like? Which one of them has not used violence? Which one of them behaves according to 21st century moral standards? See? That’s why I called you dumb.

And to answer your question. If Jon or the others willfully ordered the torture of two girls so that their father would talk then yes I would consider that evil. In Jon’s case, he wants to torture Janos but doesn’t, showing a clear restraint. Cregan Karstark if I can remember did some nasty shit to Alys Karstark and Jon actually had reasonable price of his crimes so apples too oranges. Plus Cregan was beat up and thrown into an ice cell. The torture if the girls likely much worse.

You think torture is ever fine? You think Jon is correct in torturing people? Wtf! Torture is wrong! And by the way, you don’t know if they were young girls. The text never says that. What the text said is that the wineseller and his daughter were suspects of murder. Just like Cregan Karstark was a suspect. Has Jon ever held a trial to determine if he was guilty? What if Allys Karstark was lying (I don’t think she was, but that’s not the point). So you excuse Jon’s violent actions because you happen to not like Cregan Karstark? Dany had as much evidence that the wineseller and his daughters were guilty. There was no one else in the shop that could have poisoned the wine, no other suspects. Besides, if Jon is so against torture, why doesn’t he think there’s anything wrong with Qhorin torturing wildlings to death for information? Because just like everyone, Jon is a medieval person with medieval values. Jon tortured people, he killed people who disobeyed him (which is not right by our modern moral standards), he went to war and forced people to submit to him through violence. If Dany is a dictator, so is Jon. But you are excusing his violent actions. You are using sexist double standards, and you being a man or a woman makes no difference, you can still be a sexist woman.

“I’m criticizing Daenerys because you are a Dany blog.”

And what makes you think it’s ok lo leave Dany hate in a Dany blog?

[zumpietoo]

Pssttt....PedoT....if you admit you lie/fabricate, also don’t actually believe in your crackships (as you do to your close followers), stop lying about Cole and Lili and admit what you are is a Scamhart hate blog....we’ll leave you alone.

Also, if you don’t want your insane idiocy criticized, don’t post it. Very simple....

Also, how would you (and Eliza) have any idea of anything if you weren’t stalking OUR blogs?

A) KokeJ isn’t remotely photogenic

B) He happens to be around for some of the better locations Cole goes to.

Honestly, this is interesting because it also goes back to how why is it so difficult to believe that “sexually fluid” (again, not a sexuality) Cole would be attracted to a beautiful, intelligent woman with whom he has a lot in common----versus as stoned, juvenile jackass with crackhead skin?

Lili’s an excellent model (KokeJ isn’t), so why wouldn’t Cole want to photograph her? Even if they were “just friends” which they aren’t...

Also, again, Cole only photographs KokeJ when he’s forced to babysit him----and there happen to be some decent locations....and then Cole photographs everybody else there, too....and doesn’t generally leave them up.

Lili? Are photoshoots of just the two of them together, and are incredibly intimate....

So no, there aren’t any “parallels”....

Nope, not obsessive at all.....and...the anon is correct....plus Cole’s done way more stuff for specific photoshoots with just Lili, and the photoshoot as foreplay/sexual

Nooooo!!! I say moar pics of KokeJ and so it is!!!! Also, how can you not see how romantic it is to take a shot of something that isn’t KokeJ, with KokeJ blurred out to the side??? That twu wuv!!!

Also, it’s even sad that this is what she’s clinging to here, period....

nuh-uh!!! I know you are but what am I?? Also---yeah, the photo counting was beyond weird and creepy.....but it IS PedoT, after all....

Oh bonus points (again) for the candid-----because it shows how she fails to recognize SH’s photoshoots are a very deeply intimate, sexual thing for them and part of the extremely deep love bond they share....

Also, clearly Cole does? I don’t think so....

Because you’re an idiot and ignore how intensely sexual their photos are....

Ummmm....your Pee Arr theory and mission alone proves otherwise, dude....

WTF even WAS her answer??? I’m just, what?

Deflection.....

More deflection-----also I love how she’s trapped so she deflects---I’m frankly stunned she didn’t suggest the anon’s BF is “sexually fluid”, too

Already very fully explained----plus other people ARE in the pics and, again, they aren’t of KokeJ....all it shows is that Cole’s pressed in diaper changing in nice locales and they took a couple of road trips two years ago....

Again, notice how she can’t actually answer, though?

Sooooo....again.....deflection? Even when cornered?

Cause I say so!!!!

(also, there’s more, but I’m bored of her stupidity)

[fanfictionlive]

Deleted my first comment today - a little annoyed and need to rant

I posted a long-time-coming update to one of my works this morning. I was excited to see what people thought of it, since I struggled with it a lot and it took waaaaaaaaay too long to get it to a point where I was happy enough to post the new chapter. First two comments were great, but the third one had me rolling my eyes yet again.

They commented as a guest, but I think it's the same person who has commented somewhat upsetting remarks on the first two chapters as well. First comment was bashing a featured character in my fic (not the main character, but one that the plot of the fic sort of revolves around. Not to mention that the character is rather polarizing within the fandom, so I guess I should've expected it?? idk). I just rolled my eyes and commented back deflecting away from their negativity. Second chapter's comment was negatively commenting about something the MC did, which was understandable to a point but it was pretty par for the course for them and isn't necessarily something that people usually have an issue with.

But this last comment really chapped my ass, my friends. They once again reverted to bashing the featured character, commenting how they weren't worth having everyone sent into dangerous situations for them. Idk why this one in particular got to me, but all I could do was scream in my head "WHY ARE YOU READING THIS THEN?!" What you're saying is a bad idea is LITERALLY THE ENTIRE PLOT OF MY FIC, WTF?! Every one of their comments has been negative criticism of my fic and today it just made me want to punch a wall. I've ready many a fic that have pissed me off, but you know when I did? I hit that damned back button and noped the hell out! Whatever happened to the tried and true "DLDR" adage?! I spent a while contemplating what to say back to them (I like to respond to every comment), but I just couldn't think of anything to say back that wouldn't be confrontational (lol) so I just deleted it. It made me feel better to not see it there anymore but UGH people are so frustrating. I'm just glad that even though they pissed me off, at least I'm not feeling discouraged to continue writing.

submitted by /u/prettyy_vacant [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans https://ift.tt/3m8NHTa

[whothefuckisdickgrayson]

New Teen Titans #19

This issue picks up right where it left off. Cyborg and Beast Boy (he’s Changeling atm but if I used that name no one would know who I was talking about) are fighting the evil step-dad and Vic gets super hurt. 

The overall context of this and the last issue is that the current team is falling apart. It’s quite a well-executed, nuanced story and I miss this kind of writing in modern comics. 

We shift over to Donna, who much like Gar, is determined not to give up on Dick. Also, Dick is still a mess but he can cook, so it’s time to introduce our next counter: 

Adulting Birb - 1

In contrast to fanon’s portrayal of him as a giant manchild, this counter is for when Dick shows he can be a functional adult: cleaning, managing mundane responsibilities and preparing real (non-cereal) meals.

Alright, so it’s been apparent we’ve begun Post-Crisis at a very low time in Dick’s life, but this next scene is pretty intense and makes Dick and Donna’s previous fight look like child play. 

What the Dickens - 2

Dick is just Done with these attempts by Donna to intervene and he’s trying one final time to disengage cleanly without ripping her completely to shreds. Donna declines. The next part is very messy on both sides. 

Duty Before Reason - 2

This is classic Dick Grayson not wanting to hear what Donna’s got to say to him so cleanly deflecting it onto the job, in this case what’s happened to Raven. When that doesn’t work he starts in on Donna, and this is where it’s going to devolve into about as nasty as I’ve ever seen him. 

Dick is a Dick - 5

He goes absolutely in on her, in as brutal and effective a deflection as possible. Donna’s weak point is her marriage because she married way too young and her husband is way too old, and the fact is that Dick is not wrong, what’s he’s saying, and that’s the worst part. That’s why it’s so painfully effective, he’s not just pulling lies or insults out of the air. He’s analyzed the situation and found the weak points and gone straight for the throat. 

Donna lashes out in physical violence, which is where the messiness comes in on her side. She did this last issue as well, and Dick just shrugs it off, but she has super strength and he doesn’t, and it’s clear that in the context the writer isn’t quite thinking about how this could come off. It was the 80s so there’s that. 

Dick goads her on at this point, because it’s worked as a successful deflection of his own issues, and is one of the best examples of Dick landing these kinds of Critical Hits in a very masterful and awful way to get out of shit he doesn’t want to talk about. 

Fightwing - 1

Dick picks fights for many reasons, sometimes to the point of stupidity. He’s not a guy who shies away from conflict and it’s pretty clear he prefers it at times to talking about his feelings or emotions. This counter is for every time he picks a deliberate fight with someone that falls outside ‘you’re a bad guy and I must stop you’

Note that the above confrontation has little to do with Dick’s temper. That was a masterful and controlled ripping apart. He regrets it, but he was Right. 

Dick is immediately rationalizing his own behavior as a very ‘I was Right so I can’t be Wrong’ way, which is an aspect of his personality that feeds into his sometimes high and mighty attitude. Time for our next counter: 

Flying the Highway - 1

Dick rationalizes his own behavior, often ending up across very high-and-mighty or ‘my way or the highway’ about things as he refuses to give on his perspective, consider that he's wrong, or admit he's gone too far.

Almost immediately afterwards he starts drowning in guilt about it, but continues to attempt to rationalize. Also, this is something that happens only occasionally, especially with characters that aren’t teenagers; Dick drops his actual age. It’s pretty clear why he did it--Post-Crisis has just started and this is a retcon to bring him back in line for what DC wants going forward. 

He has now just turned 20. 

Also I’m laughing because dear lord 20 is a baby the writing in the 80s was amazing but the art is, uh, something else. Anyway, his youth also shows another point--he’s young and he does stupid shit and he has a temper, and it’s pretty clear that saying that Jason is the angry one is kind of missing a lot of Dick’s characterization. 

Anyway Dick breaks into the Church of Blood to check things out and spends the entire time being like ‘wtf am I doing I shouldn’t be doing this my head’s a mess’ so at least he’s become slightly self-aware about where he’s at. He’s spotted and runs, basically doing mental ‘???’ the entire time before finally escaping.

AcroBat - 1

Dick Grayson is a flippy bird who shows off and does something particularly noteworthy that draws on his natural athleticism and skills as a gymnast, and might also be functionally unnecessary but he can get away with it because Rule of Cool and he’s just That Good. 

Dick is at least self-aware about what’s he’s doing here, and is calling himself out for being a giant hypocrite atm. I’m not giving him points for it though because he hasn’t apologized to Donna herself so we’ll just make a note that he’s a jerk, but at least he’s copping to it. 

Anyway, that’s all of Dick in this issue. The current team is in dire straights and no one is around in Titans Tower when the Government calls them for a job (that happens) and Donna is like ‘um what do’ and so everything is leading towards this: 

Like, literally one of this group is a teenager (Jason, you can see his hair he’s a small birb), and they’re only some of the originals. Hawk come on, now. This panel is Wally’s first appearance as the Flash which, along with the previous issue’s references, are our solid grounding as a Post-Crisis story. 

So anyway, welcome to the start of Jason’s short run with the Teen Titans while his big brother utterly self-destructs. The 80s were great. 

[womenofcolor15]

Megan Thee Stallion Reveals She Has A 2.7 GPA & The Internets Rudely Respond, Speaks On 1501 Lawsuit & Partying With The Carters

Megan Thee Stallion got candid about her grades, her lawsuit against her record label and what it was like meeting Beyonce & Jay-Z for the first time. Highlights inside…

Megan Thee Stallion has a full plate in front of her. She’s traveling the country doing shows, getting glammed up for photoshoots, twerking in music videos and she’s also hitting the books.

When she’s not driving the boat and partying with her hotties, she’s taking exams every other day to work on copping that degree. The Houston Hottie currently attends Texas Southern University where she’s majoring in Health Administration.

While chopping it up with the radio hosts on Power 105’s “The Breakfast Club,” the “Hot Girl Summer” raptress revealed she has a 2.7 GPA this semester.

”What’s your GPA?,” DJ Envy asked.

”Ooo,” she first responded. “Nah, I got like a 2.7, 2.8 right now. It could be better,” she said.

  Meg said her grandmother encouraged her to go to school to be a nurse. She said she enrolled but was super bored.

  “I didn’t want to be here, but I don’t want to drop out and disappoint my family,” she shared.

  The “WTF I Want” rapper said she knew she wanted to rap, but she knew her grandmother “wouldn’t like it.”

She changed her major to Business Administration. Hated it. She knew she wanted to be in the health field, but she knew she didn’t want to be a doctor or a nurse. She just knew she wanted to help. After speaking with her grandmother, she investigated Health Administration and that’s when she figured out that’s exactly what she wanted to do.

”I’m going to open up some assisted living facilities,” she said.

The 25-year-old said she has about six more classes, but she’s only taking two classes at a time, so it’s taking longer to finish. Her plan once she gets her degree is to offer jobs to classmates, she met during her time at TSU at her assisted living facilities. She plans to use her rap money to open the facilities.

”We got to get the G.P.A. up though. You got to get at least a 3.0,” DJ Envy said.

”I got to get a 3. I want to be better and I want to do better. I’m trying!,” she responded.

While the internets thought it was cute to drag a successful young black woman staying in school with a 2.7, we applaud her.  Nothing's easy, especially not her life lately.  And the fact she's pledging to try even harder to stick it out - in something the very people criticizing her have either dropped out of, never started or performed worse - is admirable.

          View this post on Instagram

                  Happy 2020 @beyonce

A post shared by Hot Girl Meg (@theestallion) on Jan 1, 2020 at 9:59am PST

  Later in the conversation, she talked about what it was like partying with Beyonce and Jay-Z in their home for New Year’s.

”I don’t know when she found out about me, but I was so happy when I met her. I couldn’t believe it!,” she said.

Meg said The Carters invited her to their pajama party for New Year’s and she almost didn’t make it because she had a show that night. Her stylist brought her pajamas to her show super late and she said she almost cried while in the car because she thought they weren’t going to make it before midnight. She said she and her crew literally ran in the Carters’ house at 11:59 to ring in 2020.

Glad she made it!

          View this post on Instagram

                  FACTS ARE FACTS AND THE FACTS ARE PUBLIC ‼️ I’m extremely pleased that 1501 and Carl Crawford were denied the request to dissolve the Court order and try to stop my music from being released. I will proceed with the release of “SUGA”. On Friday March 6, To be clear, I will stand up for myself and won’t allow two men to bully me, I am NO ONES PROPERTY. Y’all are choosing to highlight the issue of music splits...talk about everything else. This has nothing to do with anyone else including JAY-Z, stop deflecting and trying to make this a publicity stunt, I want my rights, The facts are; 1. 1501 doesn’t want to approve my budget to put out my project that the court is allowing to be released. 2. 1501 tried to stop my release, I prevailed in court 3. 1501 tried to fight the decision today, the court denied 1501’s request respect my deceased mother, she’s not here, you don’t know her, you weren’t involved, Carl should speak for himself, All the facts are public record available at the courthouse in Houston.

A post shared by Hot Girl Meg (@theestallion) on Mar 5, 2020 at 10:26am PST

  Switching gears, Meg also addressed her lawsuit against her record label, 1501 Certified Entertainment. She said she couldn’t say much about it because they have to handle it in court, but she said “things are public information.”

You’ll recall, the FEVER rapper blasted Carl Crawford’s 1501 Entertainment for blocking her from releasing new music. She filed a restraining order to be allowed to released her SUGA EP and the judge ruled in her favor.

”What people don’t realize is, I don’t put everything on social media,” she said when asked if problems started between her and her record label after signing a management deal with Jay’s Roc Nation. I don’t put my problems on social media. “I don’t put my problems on social media. I don’t vent online. I just don’t care about a lot of people’s outside opinion, so you would have never knew we weren’t talking.”

Meg said Carl had already started talking about her online, but she didn’t respond at first because she didn’t want to make it a public issue. She said when she found out she couldn’t drop any music, that’s when she put them on blast.

”I might as well say something now, y’all not letting me drop music, so I might as well tell people why I can’t drop music,” she explained.

She said Jay-Z isn’t worried about Carl Crawford or Rap-A-Lot Records honcho J. Prince, who addressed Meg in a menacing Instagram post.

”I really don’t understand where it’s coming from,” she said.

The “B.I.T.C.H.” rapper said she tried to have a conversation, but that never happened.

“I know what’s being said is not true,” she continued.

You can check it at the 15:30-minute mark below:

The Houston Hottie released her SUGA EP and the visuals for her hit track "B.I.T.C.H."

Which track from the EP is your fave?

Photo: Meg's IG

  [Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2020/03/09/megan-thee-stallion-reveals-she-has-a-27-gpa-speaks-on-1501-lawsuit-partying-with-the-car

[fayecallasdatingblog]

What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You

You keep hearing this term “gaslighting,” and you’re wondering about it. People have even told you that you’re being gaslit. So…what IS gaslighting?

In a Nutshell: What is Gaslighting?

What is gaslighting, and are you a victim?

Essentially, with gaslighting, a person, usually a romantic partner, denies the validity of things you know you’re experiencing.

“You’re imagining things. You didn’t see me with another woman.”

“I never said that!”

“You’re being paranoid.”

Usually, the people gaslighting their partners are sociopaths or narcissists. It’s about power: by making you feel like you’re wrong or going crazy, you rely on that person more. He feels like he has more control over you.

Cheaters gaslight. So do men who emotionally or physically abuse women. But not all men who gaslight cheat or abuse women, so don’t let that be the only sign that you look for. I’ll tell you some really good signals to watch out for in a minute.

Gaslighting is dangerous because this person who you trust causes you to lose touch with reality. You start to question everything and doubt yourself. You may lose self-confidence and feel like you’ll never find a relationship better than this.

I’m here to tell you that if you’re being gaslit, you absolutely deserve and can find a better man who respects and loves you. This man isn’t it!

The origin of the term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, as well as the adapted movie in 1944, called “Gas Light.”  In it, a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sanity so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. If you’re living this reality, this might be a horror movie for you!

Types of Gaslighting

There are several ways a man can gaslight you.

There are several types of gaslighting, so when you ask, “what is gaslighting,” you may get several answers depending on who you ask. Each is valid, and you may actually experience more than one type.

Withholding

“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. Why are you trying to turn this situation around on me?”

He pretends he doesn’t understand you or refuses to listen. The more you talk to him, the more confused you get because he’s acting like you’re confusing him!

Countering

“That’s not how it happened. You never remember things correctly.”

In this type of gaslighting, he tells you that your memory of a situation or event is wrong. He makes you doubt what you know you remember.

Blocking/Diverting

“Who put that idea into your head? I’m sick of talking about this.”

If he changes the subject or tells you that you’re imagining things, he’s gaslighting you.

Trivializing

“Why are you so sensitive? This isn’t worth getting upset over.”

This guy belittles your feelings, especially when they involve anger or frustration toward him. He makes you feel like you’re overreacting…but I’m telling you: you probably aren’t.

Forgetting/Denial

“You’re totally making that up. I never said that!”

He flat out denies what you know happened. Maybe you know he swore he’d pay you for the concert tickets you bought and now he’s telling you that you said you’d pay for them.

11 Signs Your Partner is Gaslighting You

via GIPHY

Now that I’ve answered the question “what is gaslighting” a bit (though we could talk about it for hours!), let’s look at a few signs you can keep an eye out for to figure out if the guy you’re dating is gaslighting you.

1. He Tells You That You’re Imagining Things

Okay, so you know you saw the guy you’re dating kiss another woman at a party. But he’s telling you that you’re crazy. He says he was just leaning over to tell her something, and you thought he was kissing her.

Uh-uh. Not only did you see it with your own two eyes, but your gut is also screaming that this guy is lying.

2. He Says You’re Overreacting

Every time you get upset about something (and that seems to be happening more and more as you’re dating this guy), he tells you that you’re making way too big a deal out of it.

Like the time he stood you up and you waited at the restaurant for an hour. He didn’t think that was a big deal and doesn’t get why you’re fuming.

Let me just say that, whether this guy is gaslighting you or not, you are entitled to your feelings. If he pisses you off, you can be pissed off. And you can tell him how you feel. The fact that he’s uncomfortable with your anger is not your problem.

3. Your Confidence is Dwindling

You used to consider yourself a fairly confident woman, but now you question everything you say or do. You may not even realize that the man you’re with is the cause.

Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, says that gaslighting is “an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse because it undermines your self-confidence.”

You have to ask yourself: which would you rather have, your self-confidence or a man that makes you feel like crap?

4. He Always Wants the Upper Hand

In your past relationships, you were the one with a little more power (it’s normal for there to be a slight imbalance in every relationship), so it’s a bit surprising to you that in this relationship, he’s got it. And he fights to have that upper hand.

Whether it’s him picking where you eat every single time (a girl can only eat so much Thai food), having the last say in every argument, or vetoing your choice of movie, you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. And you’re right. Because if he’s getting his way, he’s happy.

5. He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

“I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. You’d be a fool to leave.”

The fact that this man feels the need to tell you that means that he doesn’t think that you’d believe it otherwise. I mean, you’d know if he was the best thing ever, right? And the fact that he’s trying to make you think you’ll never find better just goes with the fact that he wants you under his thumb.

He may even tell you that you’re not pretty or smart enough for another man, and that he’s doing you a favor by staying with you.

Say whaaaaat??

This is unacceptable. A true partner lifts you up and makes you feel incredible. That, in turn, makes you happy to be with him…no threat needed.

6. He Seems Like Two Different People

Maybe the reason you’re Googling “what is gaslighting” right now is because when he’s great, he’s great. But when he’s terrible…that’s when you think you might need to leave him.

A gaslighter (as well as a sociopath or narcissist) is really good at the whole Jekyll and Hyde routine. He’ll woo you with flowers…and then tell you that you’re crazy. He strings you along just enough that you want to stay, hoping the good version will come out more.

Realize that the good side of him is an act and that the darker side is his true self.

7. You Feel Confused When You’re With Him

I’ve worked with women who describe dating a gaslighter like being on a carousel. Everything is spinning around until they’re dizzy and don’t know what way is up when they talk to this man. You might start a conversation about how he never spends time at your place and then the conversation ends with him criticizing your financial habits. WTF?

He’s great at deflecting criticism directed toward him, which can make for a confusing conversation.

8. You Find Yourself Apologizing a LOT

Part of that whole carousel thing happens when you start out upset about something he’s done and then ending up apologizing for something you’ve done. He’s adept at turning around an argument so that you feel guilty and at fault…and forget about whatever it is that you were mad about.

Now look, I’m not saying you’re faultless in every argument. But look back over your relationship: has he ever apologized to you for any of his shortcomings? I’m willing to bet he hasn’t…or not often and sincerely.

9. You’re Not Happy But Feel Like You Can’t Leave

He’s making you feel unworthy.

Whether they’ve used the term gaslighting or not, your friends have been telling you for a while that this guy is bad news. They see how he treats you and they see how unhappy you are. And you know they’re right…only you can’t bring yourself to end the relationship.

Why? Likely because he’s made you feel like you’ll be even more miserable without him. Maybe he talks about how there are a ton of skeevy guys on dating apps or how, because you’re not 20 anymore, you’ll have trouble finding a quality man.

Realize that this is his messaging, not yours. He has an ulterior motive for making you feel like you shouldn’t leave him. I have nothing to gain by telling you the truth: you can and will find someone who treats you right. You don’t have to put up with this emotional abuse.

10. He Turns Things Around on You

Maybe he doesn’t criticize you…unless you’re expressing your frustration with him. All of a sudden, you’re full of flaws and have committed any number of mistakes in this relationship.

Realize that this is a defense mechanism. He can’t accept that he’s done anything wrong at all, and so emotionally pushes back on you and pours out every little grievance he has about you.

The best thing you can do is not absorb his criticism. You know your areas of weakness in a relationship, and certainly, you should work on them. But don’t let him tell you how awful you are…because it isn’t true.

11. He Says You Don’t Trust Him

This one is especially true for cheaters who gaslight. Let’s say you found out that he cheated, but you decide to stay. Of course, whenever anything suspicious comes up (a woman calls asking for him without identifying herself; you find a pair of women’s sunglasses in his car), he makes a big stink about how you don’t trust him. If you can’t trust him, why are you even with him?? He ends up making you apologize and assure him that yes, you do trust him, and you must have misunderstood that pair of panties you found in his bed!

You either trust him or you don’t. He probably is right that you don’t…but you have good reason not to, so don’t let him move you away from evidence that he can’t be trusted.

What to Do If He’s Gaslighting You

Feeling trapped? It’s up to you to change the situation.

Okay, so we’ve answered “what is gaslighting,” and we’ve looked at 11 signs that the man you’re dating is, in fact, gaslighting you. The big question is: what are you going to do about it? Depending on how long you’ve been with this guy, it may not be so simple to just walk away. So let’s look at some easier steps you can take before it comes to that.

Realize That You’re Not Crazy

If you find yourself wondering fairly frequently, “am I crazy??” I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re not. People that are mentally unbalanced aren’t usually aware of it. Especially if you’ve only wondered this as long as you’ve been dating this man.

If you feel grounded in reality with every other person in your life, then you’re okay. If you don’t confuse facts or get things wrong with your friends and family, then clearly it’s this guy causing the problems.

So take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re totally okay…and about to get more okay as you deal with this stressful situation.

Write Down Conversations

The quickest way to nip an argument in the bud where he’s telling you that you remembered something wrong is to have written evidence. If he says he’ll do something, take a quick note in your phone. Put the date and time he said it, and what he said. Heck, record him saying it! See how he weasels out of that one!

Then when he starts to tell you that you’re wrong, pull out your notes.

Don’t Engage in an Argument

This type of person seems to thrive on arguing, so your best course of action is not to engage him in it. He gets a high from putting you down and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. If you don’t engage, he has no fodder.

Understand That He Isn’t the Right Guy for You

By now, I feel like you know this. You are an incredible woman and worthy of attracting a man who values your opinion and never tries to squash you. There may have been good qualities about this guy initially, but now he’s different. You can’t go back to the way things were (if they ever really were good), so it’s best if you can let go of the idea that things will improve.

Know That You WILL Be Better Off Without Him

I know that dating (especially for those in your 40s or later) is no picnic sometimes. I know that you might feel like staying in this relationship is better than the alternative. But that’s just because you can’t see what’s coming up for you. And I know for a fact that even better things are in your future!

Quite honestly, wouldn’t you rather be on your own with no one criticizing you or making you feel insane? I think you would.

Conclusion:

What you do now is up to you, but my suggestion is that you break up with this man and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence. Know that out there is a great man who would love to treat you right.

Let me hear from you in the comments: do you think you’re being gaslit? What signs is he showing that he’s gaslighting you?

Jumpstart your next move in finding true love. Sign up for my exclusive training that will help you attract the right man who will commit to you without making you feel terrible.

The post What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

from Meet Positives SM Feed http://bit.ly/2RLxBR4 via IFTTT

[travisandersondatingblog]

What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You

You keep hearing this term “gaslighting,” and you’re wondering about it. People have even told you that you’re being gaslit. So…what IS gaslighting?

In a Nutshell: What is Gaslighting?

What is gaslighting, and are you a victim?

Essentially, with gaslighting, a person, usually a romantic partner, denies the validity of things you know you’re experiencing.

“You’re imagining things. You didn’t see me with another woman.”

“I never said that!”

“You’re being paranoid.”

Usually, the people gaslighting their partners are sociopaths or narcissists. It’s about power: by making you feel like you’re wrong or going crazy, you rely on that person more. He feels like he has more control over you.

Cheaters gaslight. So do men who emotionally or physically abuse women. But not all men who gaslight cheat or abuse women, so don’t let that be the only sign that you look for. I’ll tell you some really good signals to watch out for in a minute.

Gaslighting is dangerous because this person who you trust causes you to lose touch with reality. You start to question everything and doubt yourself. You may lose self-confidence and feel like you’ll never find a relationship better than this.

I’m here to tell you that if you’re being gaslit, you absolutely deserve and can find a better man who respects and loves you. This man isn’t it!

The origin of the term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, as well as the adapted movie in 1944, called “Gas Light.”  In it, a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sanity so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. If you’re living this reality, this might be a horror movie for you!

Types of Gaslighting

There are several ways a man can gaslight you.

There are several types of gaslighting, so when you ask, “what is gaslighting,” you may get several answers depending on who you ask. Each is valid, and you may actually experience more than one type.

Withholding

“What are you talking about? That makes no sense. Why are you trying to turn this situation around on me?”

He pretends he doesn’t understand you or refuses to listen. The more you talk to him, the more confused you get because he’s acting like you’re confusing him!

Countering

“That’s not how it happened. You never remember things correctly.”

In this type of gaslighting, he tells you that your memory of a situation or event is wrong. He makes you doubt what you know you remember.

Blocking/Diverting

“Who put that idea into your head? I’m sick of talking about this.”

If he changes the subject or tells you that you’re imagining things, he’s gaslighting you.

Trivializing

“Why are you so sensitive? This isn’t worth getting upset over.”

This guy belittles your feelings, especially when they involve anger or frustration toward him. He makes you feel like you’re overreacting…but I’m telling you: you probably aren’t.

Forgetting/Denial

“You’re totally making that up. I never said that!”

He flat out denies what you know happened. Maybe you know he swore he’d pay you for the concert tickets you bought and now he’s telling you that you said you’d pay for them.

11 Signs Your Partner is Gaslighting You

via GIPHY

Now that I’ve answered the question “what is gaslighting” a bit (though we could talk about it for hours!), let’s look at a few signs you can keep an eye out for to figure out if the guy you’re dating is gaslighting you.

1. He Tells You That You’re Imagining Things

Okay, so you know you saw the guy you’re dating kiss another woman at a party. But he’s telling you that you’re crazy. He says he was just leaning over to tell her something, and you thought he was kissing her.

Uh-uh. Not only did you see it with your own two eyes, but your gut is also screaming that this guy is lying.

2. He Says You’re Overreacting

Every time you get upset about something (and that seems to be happening more and more as you’re dating this guy), he tells you that you’re making way too big a deal out of it.

Like the time he stood you up and you waited at the restaurant for an hour. He didn’t think that was a big deal and doesn’t get why you’re fuming.

Let me just say that, whether this guy is gaslighting you or not, you are entitled to your feelings. If he pisses you off, you can be pissed off. And you can tell him how you feel. The fact that he’s uncomfortable with your anger is not your problem.

3. Your Confidence is Dwindling

You used to consider yourself a fairly confident woman, but now you question everything you say or do. You may not even realize that the man you’re with is the cause.

Craig Malkin, a lecturer at Harvard Medical School and author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, says that gaslighting is “an extremely dangerous form of emotional abuse because it undermines your self-confidence.”

You have to ask yourself: which would you rather have, your self-confidence or a man that makes you feel like crap?

4. He Always Wants the Upper Hand

In your past relationships, you were the one with a little more power (it’s normal for there to be a slight imbalance in every relationship), so it’s a bit surprising to you that in this relationship, he’s got it. And he fights to have that upper hand.

Whether it’s him picking where you eat every single time (a girl can only eat so much Thai food), having the last say in every argument, or vetoing your choice of movie, you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. And you’re right. Because if he’s getting his way, he’s happy.

5. He Makes You Feel Not Good Enough

“I’m the best thing that will ever happen to you. You’d be a fool to leave.”

The fact that this man feels the need to tell you that means that he doesn’t think that you’d believe it otherwise. I mean, you’d know if he was the best thing ever, right? And the fact that he’s trying to make you think you’ll never find better just goes with the fact that he wants you under his thumb.

He may even tell you that you’re not pretty or smart enough for another man, and that he’s doing you a favor by staying with you.

Say whaaaaat??

This is unacceptable. A true partner lifts you up and makes you feel incredible. That, in turn, makes you happy to be with him…no threat needed.

6. He Seems Like Two Different People

Maybe the reason you’re Googling “what is gaslighting” right now is because when he’s great, he’s great. But when he’s terrible…that’s when you think you might need to leave him.

A gaslighter (as well as a sociopath or narcissist) is really good at the whole Jekyll and Hyde routine. He’ll woo you with flowers…and then tell you that you’re crazy. He strings you along just enough that you want to stay, hoping the good version will come out more.

Realize that the good side of him is an act and that the darker side is his true self.

7. You Feel Confused When You’re With Him

I’ve worked with women who describe dating a gaslighter like being on a carousel. Everything is spinning around until they’re dizzy and don’t know what way is up when they talk to this man. You might start a conversation about how he never spends time at your place and then the conversation ends with him criticizing your financial habits. WTF?

He’s great at deflecting criticism directed toward him, which can make for a confusing conversation.

8. You Find Yourself Apologizing a LOT

Part of that whole carousel thing happens when you start out upset about something he’s done and then ending up apologizing for something you’ve done. He’s adept at turning around an argument so that you feel guilty and at fault…and forget about whatever it is that you were mad about.

Now look, I’m not saying you’re faultless in every argument. But look back over your relationship: has he ever apologized to you for any of his shortcomings? I’m willing to bet he hasn’t…or not often and sincerely.

9. You’re Not Happy But Feel Like You Can’t Leave

He’s making you feel unworthy.

Whether they’ve used the term gaslighting or not, your friends have been telling you for a while that this guy is bad news. They see how he treats you and they see how unhappy you are. And you know they’re right…only you can’t bring yourself to end the relationship.

Why? Likely because he’s made you feel like you’ll be even more miserable without him. Maybe he talks about how there are a ton of skeevy guys on dating apps or how, because you’re not 20 anymore, you’ll have trouble finding a quality man.

Realize that this is his messaging, not yours. He has an ulterior motive for making you feel like you shouldn’t leave him. I have nothing to gain by telling you the truth: you can and will find someone who treats you right. You don’t have to put up with this emotional abuse.

10. He Turns Things Around on You

Maybe he doesn’t criticize you…unless you’re expressing your frustration with him. All of a sudden, you’re full of flaws and have committed any number of mistakes in this relationship.

Realize that this is a defense mechanism. He can’t accept that he’s done anything wrong at all, and so emotionally pushes back on you and pours out every little grievance he has about you.

The best thing you can do is not absorb his criticism. You know your areas of weakness in a relationship, and certainly, you should work on them. But don’t let him tell you how awful you are…because it isn’t true.

11. He Says You Don’t Trust Him

This one is especially true for cheaters who gaslight. Let’s say you found out that he cheated, but you decide to stay. Of course, whenever anything suspicious comes up (a woman calls asking for him without identifying herself; you find a pair of women’s sunglasses in his car), he makes a big stink about how you don’t trust him. If you can’t trust him, why are you even with him?? He ends up making you apologize and assure him that yes, you do trust him, and you must have misunderstood that pair of panties you found in his bed!

You either trust him or you don’t. He probably is right that you don’t…but you have good reason not to, so don’t let him move you away from evidence that he can’t be trusted.

What to Do If He’s Gaslighting You

Feeling trapped? It’s up to you to change the situation.

Okay, so we’ve answered “what is gaslighting,” and we’ve looked at 11 signs that the man you’re dating is, in fact, gaslighting you. The big question is: what are you going to do about it? Depending on how long you’ve been with this guy, it may not be so simple to just walk away. So let’s look at some easier steps you can take before it comes to that.

Realize That You’re Not Crazy

If you find yourself wondering fairly frequently, “am I crazy??” I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you’re not. People that are mentally unbalanced aren’t usually aware of it. Especially if you’ve only wondered this as long as you’ve been dating this man.

If you feel grounded in reality with every other person in your life, then you’re okay. If you don’t confuse facts or get things wrong with your friends and family, then clearly it’s this guy causing the problems.

So take a deep breath. You’re not crazy. You’re totally okay…and about to get more okay as you deal with this stressful situation.

Write Down Conversations

The quickest way to nip an argument in the bud where he’s telling you that you remembered something wrong is to have written evidence. If he says he’ll do something, take a quick note in your phone. Put the date and time he said it, and what he said. Heck, record him saying it! See how he weasels out of that one!

Then when he starts to tell you that you’re wrong, pull out your notes.

Don’t Engage in an Argument

This type of person seems to thrive on arguing, so your best course of action is not to engage him in it. He gets a high from putting you down and telling you all the things you’re doing wrong. If you don’t engage, he has no fodder.

Understand That He Isn’t the Right Guy for You

By now, I feel like you know this. You are an incredible woman and worthy of attracting a man who values your opinion and never tries to squash you. There may have been good qualities about this guy initially, but now he’s different. You can’t go back to the way things were (if they ever really were good), so it’s best if you can let go of the idea that things will improve.

Know That You WILL Be Better Off Without Him

I know that dating (especially for those in your 40s or later) is no picnic sometimes. I know that you might feel like staying in this relationship is better than the alternative. But that’s just because you can’t see what’s coming up for you. And I know for a fact that even better things are in your future!

Quite honestly, wouldn’t you rather be on your own with no one criticizing you or making you feel insane? I think you would.

Conclusion:

What you do now is up to you, but my suggestion is that you break up with this man and focus on rebuilding your self-confidence. Know that out there is a great man who would love to treat you right.

Let me hear from you in the comments: do you think you’re being gaslit? What signs is he showing that he’s gaslighting you?

Jumpstart your next move in finding true love. Sign up for my exclusive training that will help you attract the right man who will commit to you without making you feel terrible.

The post What is Gaslighting? 11 Red Flag Signs He’s Manipulating You appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 http://bit.ly/2RLxBR4 via IFTTT